As I have stated on my Facebook fan page, I will be posting one page of my new story, (unedited and currently in the works), daily to my website. I will share the link to this site on my fan page so it is easy to find, however you’re welcome to check back here daily for the new page. When the story is complete, I will go back, edit it and publish it for print/e-book. I will also do my best to not have much errors and it will likely be more content that is edited. 🙂
Below is the beginning. The forward.
The hardest part about death is that life moves on. There isn’t a single person in this world life will stand still for. That’s the funny, ironic thing though. As life moves on for the rest of the world, it has stopped for the people who care most deeply for the deceased. What, though, happens to the person who has died? Does their life stop? Or does it continue on into another life, a parallel universe perhaps? Or do they become angels for God, or lesser demons for the Devil? Maybe they just simply float above us, looking down watching the world go on around them. This thought has crossed my mind a lot in the last year and a half. Death has always followed my thoughts, but I thought nothing of it. I watched a lot of news for a thirteen year old kid, and boy, death is everywhere. Little did I know how close it was going to hit.
January 2, 2015 was the beginning of the worst year ever. Being woken up in the middle of the night to your mom yelling at you father to wake up is heart-wrenching. It wasn’t the normal, “wake up” I heard in the mornings. It was panic. I remember the exact time, 3:58 a.m. The time is ingrained in my memory forever because the noise I heard coming from my father, from my room down the hall, over my mother’s panic, was something I can’t even describe sufficiently; gurgling and wheezing mixed together with a struggle to hold onto life, without knowing it is slipping away is the best way I can think of.
In a frightened haze I leaped out of bed and ran to my parent’s room. My mom had just switched the light on and I saw my dad, lying on his side, tongue hanging out, body shaking, turning blue. In an unusually calm manner, I walked to dad and turned him to his back. “Dad. Dad!” I turned to my mom, who was so distressed, crying, praying to God to save him. “Mom, we need to call 911.” I went to check on my little sister, grabbing my cell phone on the way to call 911. She was awake, and scared, and I told her things would be okay.
I dialed 911 and it was busy. I tried again, still busy. I screamed at my phone, walking back into my mom’s room. My heart was racing; I had sweaty palms, and I started to get dizzy. “Here, talk to the operator.” My mom shoved a phone into my face and went back to my dad. At this time there was no more sound coming from him and he was still. I looked up to heaven and in a defeated tone begged Jesus to save my daddy. I couldn’t lose my daddy; our family wouldn’t survive without him. Deep down I knew I had already lost him.
The operator gave us instructions to do CPR. I helped mom take him off the bed and followed the directions of the lady on the phone. Air left my dad’s mouth after a moment and hope came back to me. And then it left. He was still blue, still unresponsive. I was focused on saving him though. I prayed non-stop, small fruitless chants under my breath, “please don’t take my daddy; please, please don’t take him from us.” I was pulled aside by a paramedic, quickly picked up and set down behind them as they took over, trying everything in their power to save his life.
I stood in the background, at the opening of my parent’s bedroom door, blocking my mom from the view, hoping my sister would stay in her room and wait for me to get her.
It amazes me to this day the extreme clarity that I remember everything that happened. The details are clear and everything is etched into my memory so clearly, it’s as if I relive it every day. Nothing happened like the movies. Nothing was as I’ve heard it described. It wasn’t in slow motion, the memory isn’t a blur. It happened in real time, and what happened can be pulled with extreme detail to the forefront of my mind at any moment. In one breath our entire family was ripped apart by an underlying heart issue that showed no symptoms. One minute my father was healthy and happy, laughing alongside my mom like high school sweethearts and the next he was gone; and the only people who seemed to notice were the ones who’s world stopped that morning; ours. Life kept going as if it didn’t happen; as if he didn’t matter. He was nothing in this gigantic world. Sure, he touched so many in life; and many in death, but every one’s life continued. Our life stood still, motionless and nobody else on the planet seemed to care, let alone notice.